


Only Think Bad Things (Except When I'm Kissing You)

by intothemidnightblue



Series: Ficlets [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: M/M, Tree Bros, but an okay, in a sad, other two are mentions, really just evan and connor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 19:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11721312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intothemidnightblue/pseuds/intothemidnightblue
Summary: because it quieted his mind.





	Only Think Bad Things (Except When I'm Kissing You)

**Author's Note:**

> The ficlet no one wanted except me  
> i wrote this a while ago and realized it's fine how it is so HERE ya GO

He was yelling, yelling at Evan. Evan had found him right before the deed. He came too soon to see the supplies, but not soon enough to escape the emotion Connor felt flooding his eyes and ears and mouth. He was yelling, yelling.

 

Then they were kissing, because it quieted his mind. How long at Connor wanted this? Evan was all nervous hands not knowing what to do while Connor was easy movements and rough edges. They fit together perfectly for people made of such messes. Evan made surprised noises, then lovely wanting noises and Connor was able to pretend Evan wasn't just settling for the other Murphy.

 

_Bed. Bed. Bed_. His mind chanted and oh how he wanted to obey, but Evan deserved more than something built from pain and misery. He deserved long term, and Connor couldn't do that when he was staring death in the face every time he closed his eyes. No, instead he ghosted along Evan's jawline and felt the fingertips send shivers because maybe Evan wanted this as well.

 

Evan had confidence when his mind was fried. His confidence let him touch the skin under Connor Murphy's shirt and hold the other still when his hand kissed scars.

Connor liked the way his scars meant nothing more, nothing less, than the rest of his skin to Evan Hansen. Evan traced patterns on a flawed canvas while Connor tried not to beg for more.

Connor had his hands in Evan's hair and then down his spine and back up again just to feel the other boy move.

They both whispered wanting words but never more than what they felt they could take. Connor wanted to _ruin_ , but also protect. He wanted to protect the sun in Hansen's eyes and the way his hair fell when his head was tilted as he was lost in thought. He wanted to hold those hands in innocent movements and take that body in more carnal desires. He wanted what Evan offered, which was a future where he could have something sweet.

Death would rob him Evan Hansen's breath on his lips and then in his mouth. It would rob him of Evan's sweet noises when Connor attached himself to his neck. Evan was life, Connor was death. Connor, who wanted more.

He couldn't have more if his body was ten feet under. No, for today he would live if only for the promise to feel Evan again. Should that promise leave, there would be nothing good in this world left for Connor Murphy to hold on to.

 

They parted after the shock of the door slamming shut scared both of them away. It was only Evan leaning against it, but it was enough to break them away from the spell that tied them together. "I shouldn't have done that," Evan whispered as Connor wanted to scream "do that again!" The words fell out of his mouth before he could stop them, barely louder than Evan's own whisper. Evan's expression morphed, and there they were again, pulling each other close because they could, because as soon as that door opened again, the dream would be over.

Heaven was Evan's lips, Evan's grin, the noises he made when Connor smothered him in his own body till they were pressed up against each other. They stuck together like magnets, but it wasn't enough for Connor, yet he told himself no.

 

_This is your last chance_ , his mind supplied. He knew it, but he couldn't act on what he wanted in case Evan woke up before him and ran. He didn't want to take what Evan couldn't give. Evan who was in love with his sister.

"Ah, this might be a buzzkill mentioning your sister, but I should mention I don't like her like I do you? She's an unreachable friendship, you're... you're something I've wanted since Jared taught me there's more than just straight." "The buzzkill is mentioning Jared," Connor growled, but still he went back to kissing Evan because he had to. He had to because this must be a one time thing no matter what Evan tried to say.

"Wait, is this a one time thing? Do I have to pretend this never happened? I don't- I don't want to..." Panic creeped up in Evan's voice, which Connor had to banish. "I want more..." Connor admitted, letting Evan take that statement as he wanted, because lord knows he wanted Evan in every way he could imagine. "You'd want this tomorrow? A week from now? Later?" Evan asked cautiously. "Yes, yes always," Connor breathed. Evan responded with another, more forceful kiss. He let go and Connor ate it up like the monster he is.

**Author's Note:**

> i still don't have an end thing for all of these despite having a system down for it. i guess ill do that now
> 
> comments and kudos giv me the warm and fuzzies  
> find me on tumblr @ [lockewoodandco](http://www.lockewoodandco.tumblr.com)  
> twit @ [ jaceisblue](http://twitter.com/jaceisblue)


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